Wednesday, April 20, 2011


After tomorrow (Wednesday, in case my time is wonky on here, considering I'm not sure how to change it to Eastern Std Time) I will only have 1 class, 1 test, 1 presentation, and 1 final til I graduate!
...and I am terrified.
I feel that the closer we get to finishing, the more the black cloud of nursing school looms closer and closer over my head and the anxiety settles in more. Last semester I probably cried at least once a week, and had this constant tightness on my chest like an elephant (and ask everyone else and they'd say they did too), so now that it's almost over, I just wish I could relish the last days and not worry about it.
Granted I won't miss my 530-830pm classes 3x a week (which lasted til 930pm all during the summer) with my two 12 hr clinical shifts (which I have 3 of 5 semesters on Saturday and Sunday, and have been done a few weeks now and I still cannot believe it!), but it definitely leaves me feeling anxious when I think about taking my last test, and then beginning my comprehensive studying for my final.
Our finals are never ever easy -- they are a culmination of all we've learned, but random things are thrown in and with that and my humongously natural test anxiety, and it being 8am, leaves me feeling crazy.
My average currently dropped some and without including my last test exam and whatever it will be (prayyyy!) currently I need to get a 61 on the final to have a 76 average (which is considered a C and passing nursing school). Any normal person would be like "hey that is soooo beyond easy! no sweat!" but uh, plentyyyy of people have bombed the finals and I made a 71 on last years after studying every waking moment.
So as I sit and wait and clean and reclean everything in my house, reorganize, do laundry, listen to lecture ad nauseum, cry, have panic attacks, call my mom repeatedly, pray for peace and plead for wisdom, and slowly mark off the last remaining days til it's finally over, I ask you -- what makes you anxious and how do you deal??

PS: I guess the eternal grasp for peace part of it could be my "Want It Wednesday" -- two birds, one stone, you know how I roll.

1 comment:

  1. I tried to comment on this yesterday but it wouldn't let me for some reason.

    I used to have some issues with anxiety/panic attacks too and they were mostly tied to my nutrition. When Will deployed a couple years ago, they got so painful that I couldn't concentrate in class. My counselor wasn't helpful but when I started taking martial arts classes, they taught me all about the history and art behind meditation. It sounds really used and old...and it is for good reason. Warriors would meditate before battle to anticipate what they were about to go through and how they were going to handle it. Here's what I do and it really helps:

    You don't have to do this in the traditional way that I do, but try sitting crossed-legged on the floor (with yoga mat/blanket, your choice) with your hands clasped in a circle around your belly button. The circle represents the yin and yang of life--the push and pull. By switching the way your hands overlap you symbolize either letting go or taking control. That part really isn't important, though.

    Imagine what you are about to face that day and visualize yourself breezing through your tasks and challenges with ease and skill. It isn't enough to just dream it, though. You have to believe that you're going to do it just the way you saw it in your mind and confidently come up with a mental game plan. Anticipate the way you are going to feel-- stressed before a study session or a test, exhausted or defeated-- and decide how you will handle those situations positively and victoriously. After you've thought through your whole day, move on to phase two.

    Pray over it. Give every little moment to God and simply believe that He will either bring you through or He will bring you to something better than you could have imagined.

    I wish I could give you hug! I love you. :)