Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Friends they come, and friends they go

As I get older I definitely understand the nature of the term "quality over quantity". In high school and the beginnings of college, I had dozens of friends -- we'd hang out 24/7, always have to wait minutes or hours on end at restaurants in order for us all to get a table together, and weekends were full of constant hang outs, birthdays, movies, etc.
But as time goes on, those superficial friends slowly fade away -- what with going off to college, a 4 year relationship that ended with some of our mutual friends on his side and being just his friend now (lameee!), jobs, new relationships etc. and even though it was wierd, and unnatural, and kind of hard at first -- I am so glad it's for the best.
I now have a super super closeknit group of friends -- friends I could call in the middle of the night for something and they'd sit up and talk with me, friends that I hastily texted the second I got off the phone with the confirmation with my job that immediately texted me or called me squealing, friends that message or text or call me to pray with me over the phone about a test or an upset or a milestone in my life, friends that I meet up with after months of not seeing eachother and it's like time away never mattered -- those are the forever friends. And honestly I think it's because they're such good, solid Christian girls that they know the type of friend to be and have.
I have a Bachelor's in Psych and actually had a class with the breakdown of types of friends. Here are some below that we learned about, it was actually really enlightening breaking it down, and there are even types of people with psychological problems because of encompassing each kind of "friend" to a huge extent and degree, such as Narcissist, Paranoid, Schizoid, Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Avoidant, Dependent, Passive-Aggressive, Obsessive-Compulsive, Depressive, Sadist, and Self Defeating. (NOT saying any of my friends, or YOUR friends have these for that matter. I just see parallels with those people as that was my teaching.)

I've had every stereotypical friend in the book --
--the "moocher" that wants YOU to always drive, YOU to pay for everything. (a la "Teen Mom 2" where Janelle used her mom's credit cards to drive Kiefer to NJ from NC to see his brother, paid for all his stuff, got him out of jail, drives him around 24/7)

--the "whiner" who spends every waking minute talking about how UNFAIR life is, and how they never get their way for anything.

--the "obsesser" that thinks every guy is into them, and they're conceited and want to always talk about THEIR day and how amazing they are, and how great things are with them. (I call these going "Swim Fan" on a guy lol)

--the "faker" that always pretends to be sick, or bounce out at the last minute because they are BEGGING you to take care of them, feel sympathy for them, and try to make something of them.

--the "mean girl" that is always so CATTY and talks about you behind your back, never stands up for you, never has your best interest in mind. (a la "Mean Girls" haha)

--the "drama queen" that always tries to pin EVERYONE against eachother, start rumors, and bring up unnecessary stuff at the wrong moment on purpose. (yes this is the Lindsay Lohan/Megan Fox "Drama Queen" movie! haha)

--the "copy cat" that sees what you're wearing and buys EVERYTHING the same, paints their room the same, gets her boyfriend to buy the same promise ring, and takes advantage of you.

--the "jealous friend" that ignores you and your friends, and is mad if you get something before them.

and some of my friends have been combinations of all of these!! One of my friends was a friend since kindergarten, we had been through everything together, and it took living together for me to finally see her true colors that everyone was telling me was there for years. I was always giving 110% and she never gave an inch. She never asked about my day or wanted things good for me, whereas I would listen to her for hours on end go on and on about her life and her day and things with her. She was jealous when I had a boyfriend, and jealous of my friends, would ignore them when they came over, and didn't even bring up or go to my graduation. It just gets to a point where they become toxic and ridding yourself of them, still being nice and open to them, but not having an intimate friendship with them, is the best thing. Once you have those closeknit people, your life is so less stressful and so much more fulfilling!

1 comment:

  1. Hehehe. I think I'm an enabler-type. I usually listen and nod and then the next thing I know, someone's stepped all over my feelings...again!

    That said, I'm glad I have you and that I'm slowly forming friendships with the Christian ladies in my area. We've seen a lot of the same changes in friends together so I totally mourn (and laugh) with you about the relationships that have dissolved. Even when you know it's for the better, it can be tough to feel like part of your memories are gone.